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How not to impress your prospective employer!

There’s little doubt that the last year has been tough in so many ways for many people. So as a bit of light relief I thought I’d share a few amusing (and genuine) comments I’ve seen in CV’s and job applications over the years.


We have all probably seen articles about true but funny statements from insurance claim forms. Some of us may even recall that the comedian, Jasper Carrott, used to include some of the funnier quotes as part of his stand-up shows. Well, here’s a variation on a theme…


Mentioning no names (to protect the innocent) hopefully these will raise a smile or two.

This first CV extract was included under the heading ‘outside interests’ and read…


‘Eating, sleeping and drinking but not necessarily in that order’

In a job application ‘main attributes’ section an applicant wrote…

‘My main attributes are that I have a good memory, I’m willing to learn, I react well to change, I have good computer skills and I have a good memory’

(Ed. - not such a good memory perhaps?!!)

This job applicant wrote…

‘I communicate well with people at high levels so would welcome the opportunity to work on the 16th floor’

Another CV extract read…

‘I have a vivacious personality which people often say when I’m out on the town on a Friday night’

A CV included this comment under the heading ‘specialist skills’…

‘I can say the alphabet backwards’ (Ed. - undoubtedly a super useful skill!)

Another CV included this…

‘When I was only 5-years old I set up a stall at home to sell my family’s unused footwear. A great idea but not one that made me any money’

For a vacancy in the Securities Section of a commercial mortgage department where part of the job description was ‘to assist in the preparation of legal documentation for taking charges over properties’ an applicant wrote…

‘I am experienced in security work having previously been a doorman at a night club. Will a guard dog be provided?’

In the personal summary section of a CV someone wrote…

'Whilst none of my numerous business ventures detailed below have lasted beyond 12-months I hope that I have demonstrated the key attributes of entrepreneurial spirit, creativity, commitment, natural leadership, a natural grasp of business fundamentals and strategic planning’

This CV included the following revelation under the heading personal achievements…

‘I have an active social life but no matter what time I might get home after a night out I’ve never been late for work the next day. Punctuality is important to me’ (Ed. - good to know!)

Finally at 5 feet 10 inches tall I’ve never considered myself to be particularly ‘vertically challenged’ and was therefore a little surprised to receive a covering letter with a CV which ended with…

‘I look forward to hearing from you shorty’

If there’s a moral here it must be to be careful what you write and to re-read everything before pressing ‘send’.

😃

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